


What Does It Matter if I Lie To You?

by Sunny_Bexster



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Break Up, Canon Divergent, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Homophobia, Dennis is a Bastard Man, Gaslighting, Heartbreak, M/M, Post-Season/Series 12, References to skin picking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunny_Bexster/pseuds/Sunny_Bexster
Summary: If the universe wasn't prepared to let Dennis be happy then he was going to make Mac miserable. Returning from North Dakota to find Mac has got himself a boyfriend, Dennis feels an inescapable urge to toy with his roommate’s affections.
Relationships: Mac MacDonald/OC, Mac McDonald & Dennis Reynolds
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	What Does It Matter if I Lie To You?

Dennis often felt there was a scab inside him, a wound that had never quite healed which he was always tempted to pick at. The urge was there, to scratch at it and to peel away that protective layer to expose a  painful, oozing sore. If he gave in to that urge, he was rewarded with the curious flush of pleasure and pain, hurt and the enjoyment intertwined.

During his refuge in North Dakota, that wound had almost healed. The urge to gouge and scrape was easily satiated with random but insignificant acts of pettiness – cutting someone off in traffic, leaving a 3-star review on what had actually been a 5-star meal.

The phantom itchiness had settled in his fingers long before the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac at Philadelphia Airport. That dark wound inside him, despite recovering as much as it had, was pleading to be torn open and tugged at.

It was almost too easy to listen to that urge and to break the good habit he'd inadvertently fallen into when he saw Mac for the first time in months - Mac, smiling broadly at this unannounced return, pulling him into a hug with those ridiculously muscled arms stuffed into a too-small t-shirt. 

Dennis initially ignored the desire to scratch. Perhaps, in his absence, Mac had changed also.

"So, what d'you want to do?" he asked Mac as the pair returned to their apartment "go out? Get smashed, get into some proper 'boys are back in town' shenanigans?"

Mac was on the verge to agreeing, eager to ply Dennis with whatever he desired but something stopped that commitment "Oh, I-I can't tonight dude" he said, looking away sheepishly, aware that he was letting Dennis down almost as soon as he’d gotten back "I got a thing."

The audacity. 

"A thing?" repeated Dennis, clearly surprised "well, cancel it – it's not every day I'm back."

Whilst in North Dakota, Dennis often imagined those back in Philadelphia adjusting to the new and lonely reality that was created on the day he walked out. A universe without him. In that world, there were no events, no pre-arranged 'things', no fun nights out. Mac ought not to be doing anything, not really – he'd work, he'd sleep and he’d feel the ever-present absence of Dennis. 

"Well, normally I would" said Mac, "but...this is a date."

"Mac, no" said Dennis, folding his arms in disappointment "no, don't tell me this is you back in the closet again."

"No, no – it's a date with a guy. I have a boyfriend now..."

Trust Mac to ruin one of the most appealing aspects of gay relationships. Women needed pampering and wooing; they needed expensive dinners, compliments and gifts before they would deign a man the use and benefit of their bodies. Gay men understood the physicality of the male sex drive, that desire to fuck without pageantry or praise. 

Dennis considered what Mac had just told with a small, tight smile "a date, eh?" 

"Yeah, I've erm...I've got a date and dude, I would rearrange if I could y'know, but it's just...me and Gavin for tickets for this show-"

Gavin. 

Dennis laughed lightly to himself "well, we wouldn't want to upset Gavin now, would we?" he sat down on the couch and made Mac wait for his answer with growing trepidation "it's cool, you go enjoy your date. We'll hang out some other time when you're less busy..." he turned on the television to signify how little he cared about Mac and Gavin and their date.

Mac opened his mouth to speak but found himself at a loss for words. Deciding not to test the mettle of their reunited relationship too early, he went to go get ready. 

As Mac summoned a cab on his phone in the living room, Dennis allowed his eyes to scale up and down his roommate's body. Mac had made an effort, that much was obvious. His short-sleeved shirt (a grotesque display of vanity if ever Dennis saw one) was pressed, his hair carefully styled and he'd brought the heady scent of cedar and cardamom into the room with his cologne.

Looking up from his phone, Mac locked eyes with Dennis. There was a beat as Dennis frowned, just enough to make Mac nervous.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Dennis asked, casually.

Mac glanced down at himself "yeah...why?" he looked back at Dennis, a tiny note of panic in his voice "is something wrong? Should I change?"

Dennis made a deliberately unintelligible noise as if he was carefully considering how to phrase his answer to avoid causing offence. "Never mind" he said at last, turning his attention back to the television "I'm sure even if Gavin notices, he won't care..."

The chime from Mac's phone put a halt on him pressing Dennis for further details about what was wrong with his outfit. "I'm off" he said, pulling on a jacket. He tried to capture some of the levity that he knew he and Dennis had shared in the past "Don't wait up!"

"I won't" said Dennis, increasing the volume of the television.

* * *

Dennis walked into the bar the next morning with a take-out coffee. 

"It's bad for business is what I'm saying" said Frank, gesturing at Charlie who shook his head in disagreement. 

"Frank, get a grip, man – will you take a look at yourself? You're giving off a real crazy old man vibe..."

"C'mon, Charlie. This bar is on its last legs as it is – shit like this could put us out of business!"

One of their habitually scruffy regulars shuffled up the bar, dropped his empty bottle on the top and headed out the door without so much as a backwards glance. 

Frank huffed in annoyance. "Y'see!" he said to Charlie and then to Dennis who by now had drawn close to the two men "Another regular walks out because of the obscenity that is happening in this bar..."

"Holy shit, Frank" said Charlie, dragging a hand down his face. 

"What's happening in our bar that's obscene?" asked Dennis, genuinely intrigued as one could easily be forgiven for seeing the usual boring scene with the same lonely, barely-functioning alcoholic faces. No lewdness or depravity to be had here today. 

"Mac's over there, eye-banging his boy-toy in broad daylight." 

"Frank!" exclaimed Dee, wading into the verbal fray from her spot further down the bar "They're just sitting there talking. Jesus, do you want to dial down the homophobia a scooch?" 

Dennis looked over to where Frank was pointing and saw Mac in one of the booths with a man. The pair were leant across the tabletop, heads pressed close together, their fingers nearly touching as they laughed over something. It was hardly the depraved, amoral public display that Frank had made it out to be.

This must be Gavin.

Seeing him, Dennis was left distinctly underwhelmed. Gavin cut a plain figure in his mid-range plain grey suit and office-appropriate haircut. He had a painfully generic face, almost like he was a background extra in his own life. Couldn't Mac have found a seven-foot Leather Daddy with multiple facial piercings to date, someone with a bit of character perhaps?

Dennis wasted no time in striding over "well, Mac" he said, taking some delight in the way his roommate jumped at his sudden appearance "are you going to introduce me to Gavin or do I need to do that myself too?" 

Gavin looked up and actually had the gall to smile "you must be Dennis, Mac's told me so much about you."

"Wish I could say the same" said Dennis "but erm, Mac's been quite quiet about you, haven't you Mac?"

Mac was frozen in place, his eyes darting between his room-mate and his boyfriend like a rabbit looking between the headlights of the car that's hurtling towards it. 

Dennis took his silence as an opportunity to drop into the seat next to the suited interloper, sitting far too close for anyone's liking "so what is it you do, Gavin?"

"I'm an accountant, actually.”

"Oof" said Dennis, taking a sip of coffee "sounds dull."

Gavin accepted the dig with a short, good-natured laugh "yeah, well...I mean, it's not like owning a bar. That's a pretty cool gig" he looked at Mac with a slight raise of his eyebrows – Dennis was certain this exchange would be discussed when the pair met up next. 

"Yeah, it's a pretty sweet deal." said Dennis "I get to be my own boss. I knew from a very young age I would just....flounder in an office environment, y'know. Just wasting away in one of those gray little cubicles, doing the same thing, day-in-day-out...but I don't need to tell you about that now, do I Gav?”

Despite the obvious fun being had at his expense, Gavin remained cordial "Mac tells me you've just got back from North Dakota – that must have been fun?"

"Oh, absolutely – I believe travel broadens the mind, Gavin. I've been telling Mac for years there's more to life than Philly but" he shrugged "some people just like to stay put and never go outside of their sad, little comfort zones..."

Mac and Gavin shared a look that clearly indicated they both thought coming out as gay after 40 years of institutionally-approved Catholic guilt and sexual repression was a pretty big fucking leap out of anyone's comfort zones. 

"Well, this...has been fun" said Gavin, sounding close to meaning it "but I need to head back to the office" he pulled on the lapel of his suit to politely indicate for Dennis to let him out of the booth. Dennis pretended not to realise for a second or two, then stood up just enough out of the way that Gavin was able to squeeze past him. 

"Yeah" said Dennis, giving Gavin a pat on the back as he shuffled past "those beans aren't gonna count themselves, are they buddy?"

Showing incredible restraint, Gavin gave a small grunt of something that could be described as straddling amusement and annoyance "no they will not" he said before looking at Mac "see you tonight? At eight?"

Mac nodded, standing up. Dennis couldn't help but notice Gavin was a good inch shorter than Mac, which irked him for reasons he could not explain. Gavin was younger too. 

With a deliberate look at Frank, Mac leant in and kissed Gavin on the cheek. 

"Hey! Knock it off, none of that here you two!" yelled Frank from across the bar. 

Gavin laughed, properly this time, as he looked at Mac "do you have to tease him like that?"

"Look, I get to kiss my boyfriend in the bar I co-own, okay?" said Mac, smiling for the first time since Dennis had come across to the booth "fuck, Frank."

"I'd really prefer it if you didn't" replied Gavin.

Dennis looked between the pair, feeling his skin prickle from the impudence. Here they were, continuing on a conversation like he wasn't even there. 

Turning to Dennis, Gavin said his goodbyes "it was nice meeting you" he said, the warmth of his voice cooling as he addressed this stranger who'd returned from North Dakota to rattle his boyfriend's cage. The accountant left, giving Frank a thoroughly undeserved wave as he passed.

"Well..." said Dennis, looking at Mac "he seems...nice."

* * *

Dennis had hoped Mac might have picked up on his subtle signals about Gavin but Mac was being frustratingly obtuse, as usual. So, over the next couple of days, Dennis was forced to endure Gavin's presence in his life, either being physically there in the bar or the ghost of him loitering around in conversations and anecdotes. 

Mac had even gone so far as to have Gavin over one night, sneaking him into the apartment after a date, foolishly assuming Dennis was fast asleep. The pair had giggled, bumping into furniture and taking turns to drunkenly shush the other as they made their way to Mac's room. Even more astounding, neither seemed ashamed or remorseful as they emerged the next morning, slightly hungover but in good spirits. 

It was all so puerile and Mac needed to recognise it as that.

"You've been sniggering at that phone for ten minutes now" said Dennis, his eyes poring over a newspaper page that so far he hadn't read a word of "either shut up or tell me what's so fucking funny."

Mac looked up, unaware that his amusement had been so noticeable "Oh, it's just something Gavin sent me" he said.

"An accountant with a sense of humour?" mused Dennis "you got lucky there, dude...so – what's the joke?"

"It's a bit of an inside joke, between the two of us I mean" said Mac "I don't...I don't think you'd get it..."

"Don't shit on your boyfriend's comedic talent like that, Mac" said Dennis, waving his hands dismissively "tell me."

Mac walked over to him "Okay, well we have this running joke right, about pineapples-"

"Pineapples." 

"Yeah, pineapples and we were talking about what movie to watch tonight and-" Mac actually chuckled to himself as he looked at the string of messages "and Gavin sent me this picture of a pineapple wearing sunglasses, right?"

Dennis doubted his face was capable of conveying the contempt that he wanted to but gave it a good old college try regardless. 

Mac had enough decency to look sheepish "well, y'know – it's missing context. It needs context."

"I don't think context will help in this scenario, Mac...to me it just seems like you're dating a grown man who thinks it's acceptable to respond with pictures of fruits in eyewear right in the middle of a perfectly rational conversation."

"I told you it was an in-joke...between the two of us..." mumbled Mac, sliding the phone out of Dennis' sight as his boyfriend posted another albeit different pineapple wearing sunglasses picture to their chat.

"Mac, one of the core rules of comedy is that a joke  _ has _ to be funny" Dennis picked up the newspaper with an agitated twitch "warn the boyfriend not to give up the day job just yet, yeah?"

* * *

With the briefest of knocks on the door, Dennis strode into Gavin's office.

"Hi Gavin. How you doin', buddy?" he asked, jovially. 

As expected, Gavin seemed surprised to see him "D-Dennis, hi-"

"So, no corner office for you yet?" said Dennis, looking around the small space, square and almost clinical in the fluorescent light. "Don't worry – I'm sure that promotion letter will hit your desk any day now.”

"How did you find me? How'd you know where I work?" asked Gavin, his tone was always far sharper when Mac wasn't around.

Dennis smiled, delighted to have been asked "it wasn't so hard. A quick search for your name on the Pennsylvania Institute of Certified Public Accountants website - I've already visited four other accountants called Gavin today, by the way, so...well done on playing to  _ that _ stereotype!"

"Wow" said Gavin, flatly "that's-"

"Ingenious?"

"Creepy. I was going to say creepy...no-one likes people finding out where they work and just showing up, unannounced."

"Well, I think you'll change your tune when you hear what I've got to tell you" said Dennis, picking up Gavin's uneaten sandwich from his desk

"Dennis-"

"Mr Reynolds" corrected Dennis, sitting down in the chair opposite the desk and taking a bite out of the sandwich.

Gavin bristled with annoyance "why are you here?” he demanded “surely you haven't just barged into my office to steal my lunch now, have you?"

"I'm here" said Dennis, propping his feet up on the corner of Gavin's desk, knocking over a pen pot and scattering several papers in the process "to tell you some ugly truths about that boyfriend of yours...truths that will make you think twice about inviting Mac into your heart and your bed."

Leaning back in his chair, Gavin waved at Dennis to continue, feeling this was the quickest way to get him out of the office.

"Well" said Dennis, through a mouthful of very disappointing chicken salad on rye "for starters, the guy is a religious fanatic. One of those real 'fire and brimstone' types, attends mass and whatnot, Easter parades, anti-abortion rallies – the works. Speaking of abortion, he hates women...hates the idea of them having any control over their bodies. I mean, not enough to  _ not  _ sleep with them back in the days when he needed a beard or two, but you get my drift...”

He glanced up to see Gavin watching him, passive and unresponsive. Dennis continued on with his character assassination. 

"Fun fact – Mac was actually dead-set against gay marriage, for a  _ long _ time, so...maybe don't drop a couple of gees on an engagement right just yet, okay buddy? And i f that's not enough to take the lead out of your pencil, he's an incredibly violent almost certainty psychotic, poor functioning alcoholic with unchecked daddy issues." He paused, to allow Gavin time to appreciate the magnitude of what he’d just been told. 

" _ And _ " concluded Dennis "zero fashion sense, which is preposterous, frankly for a gay man but the guy cuts the sleeves off everything he owns..." he sighed, before dropping the rest of the sandwich in the bin "I just...felt you ought to know who exactly your boyfriend really is..."

Gavin closed his eyes and silence descended on the office. After a while, he looked at Dennis, a cold hard stare that felt like it narrowed the gap between the two men "...I know."

If he felt at all flustered, Dennis refused to show it. He held his nerve "which part?"

"All of it" said Gavin, with a sly grin, knowing Dennis had not anticipated this reaction "everything. Every single thing."

Dennis raised an eyebrow, genuinely intrigued. Mac's honesty was problematic at times, but this was something else entirely. This was just asking to die alone and unloved. 

"I like my relationships to proceed on 'open book' terms" explained Gavin "I've had a couple of really... _ really _ awful relationships and I'd rather know all the bad stuff, no matter how terrible right at the start. I told Mac this over dinner on our first date and, well, it took a bit of coaxing but it all came out. Everything you just said..." he smirked "but there's one crucial thing missing from that list, Dennis which is kinda sloppy of you..."

"and that is?"'

Gavin's smile turned brittle "that Mac is madly in love with you. Has been for decades..." he glanced down at his desk, avoiding Dennis' gaze "that was the first thing he told me..."

"And you still dated him after that?" Dennis scoffed "no wonder you've not got that corner office yet, man – you're dumb as shit."

"You being back poses a problem" admitted Gavin "but I really like Mac and we have a good thing going on-"

"Oh, I see" said Dennis with thinly veiled sarcasm "you have a 'good thing' going on with the former-repressed Catholic with a violent streak and addiction issues?"

Gavin shrugged “Everyone has a past, Dennis...but why bother to warn me, hmm? No offence but from what few interactions I've had with you, you don't strike me as the type to look out for anyone other than yourself. Why do you care about me dating someone you think is a bad person?”

“Well, that's one thing you've got right at least” replied Dennis, trying to keep his tone cool and calm “I don't care about you, just like how I don't care about Mac – I just think no-one should be dating him, the guy's a dumpster fire of a human being..."

“Well, he's  _ my _ dumpster fire of a human being now” said Gavin “and...if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that was the problem. You can't stand the idea of coming back and him being happy with someone else, rather than pining over you – am I right?”

“Not even close” lied Dennis.

“I'm going to need to ask you to leave now” said Gavin, standing up and gesturing to the door “I actually have a lot of work today and I need to leave on time today as me and Mac have a dinner reservation at six.”

Knowing there was little else that could be said to convince this idiot Mac was bad for him, Dennis stood up. He treated Gavin to a smirk and made his way to the door.

“Oh and Dennis?” Gavin called after him. Dennis refused to turn around, he wouldn't give this asshole the satisfaction of following his instructions. His jaw clenched though as he heard what Gavin said next, the slight that would ultimately cost the accountant his relationship with Mac.

“Drop the jealous act, okay. It's not attractive...”

* * *

That evening, Dennis waited to see whether Mac would return from his date with Gavin and if he had anything to say about the incident at the office. No doubt if his room-mate did summon the courage to raise the issue, he would no doubt side with the accountant. 

Dennis listened with a satisfied smile as Mac's key hit the lock and the door was thrown open. His face was clouded with anger and when he spotted Dennis, that anger surged forward like a tidal wave.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing? Going to Gavin's office!”

“I dropped by for some honest talk, man to man” said Dennis, oblivious to Mac's wall of hot-headed rage.

“About what? Hmm? Cos you've made it pretty fucking clear you don't like him.”

“Well, that's as maybe but that doesn't mean I want you to get your heart broken by him.”

That worked. With those words, Dennis knocked the momentum out of Mac's tantrum. He watched as Mac opened and closed his mouth, futilely trying to understand what had just been said. His rage was thawing by the second, believing that Dennis cared about his happiness.

“Mac, c'mon – sooner or later the guy is going to figure out exactly who you are and what you're like. That'll be it, you'll get dumped and who will be left to me to pick up the pieces? Me, that’s who. Trust me, it's better that that happens sooner rather than later, before you get too invested in the guy.”

Dennis could see the abrupt change of emotions, from angry to touched to insulted, was agitating Mac's already volatile mood. The start of many retorts lived and died on Mac's lips as he grappled to find the right words to hurl back at Dennis. 

“Fuck you, dude” he said, at long last “fuck you.” Despite the sentiment, his voice was small and insignificant. He stormed into the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge, taking a long swig before he'd even closed the door. Dennis followed him and leant against the door frame, waiting.

“C'mon, Mac” he said, deploying the tone that always, without fail, got Mac to do as he was told “I'm looking out for you here, man. I've got your best interests at heart. Do you really believe this guy likes you like that?”

“I know he likes me, Dennis” spat Mac, slamming the refrigerator door shut.

“Why? Because he told you so?”

“Yeah” said Mac, rounding on him “Yeah, he fucking tells me and y'know what else? He fucking shows me, every damn night he shows me how much he  _ fucking _ likes me!”

Dennis sniffed at that “so he's just in it for the sex...”

“Jesus fucking Christ” yelled Mac, storming past and back into the living to pace around, agitated and unsettled like a caged animal. 

“Mac, the guy's an accountant for God'sake. Men like that don't want men like you...” Dennis gestured lazily to Mac's outfit, to the combat boots and the old t-shirt. With a small note of pride, Dennis watched as Mac looked down on himself, those words worming their way through his consciousness. 

“Fuck you” said Mac, but it lacked still lacked venom. Those words were being used in defeat now.

Stepping close to him, Dennis rested a hand on Mac's shoulder and turned him around “I know...you probably thought you were onto a good thing with Gavin” Mac actually cringed at the name “but we need to be honest with ourselves here...it was never going to work. There was always going to come a point where he gets rid of you – better now than when you're head over heels in love with him, right?”

Mac didn't answer. He was staring at the floor, his breathing shallow and jittery. Dennis brushed his fingertips across Mac's jawline before holding his chin. He angled Mac's head towards him, watching those brown eyes widen in...fear? Excitement? Perhaps both. 

Slowly, leant in, every movement carefully calculated to string Mac along rather than spook him off. Dennis pretended to have just a fraction of a second's hesitation before pressing his lips to Mac, his fingers tracing the shape of his cheeks before reaching into his hair. 

For a moment, Mac is his. 

With a small gasp of shock, Mac pulls away, stumbling backwards in his efforts to create a gap between him and the same lips he just felt electrify his blood, static charging through his veins.

Dennis tilts his head, painting a picture of a man who cannot understand why his kiss was rejected. 

“I have a boyfriend” said Mac, instinctively wiping his cheek on his shoulder, as if to rub away the kiss. 

“You didn't like that?” 

“No, it was - Dennis, I-” he closed his eyes and prepared himself to speak, to set the world right “I'm with Gavin. You always made it very clear you could never...want me, in that way so...don't. Just...don't kiss me.”

“So you and Gavin are exclusive then?” asked Dennis, walking towards Mac who stood, frozen in place “you're not allowed to have a little fun with someone else?”

Mac watched as Dennis moved closer and closer, feeling tense and skittish. Dennis plucked at the neck of Mac's t-shirt and savoured the heat of flesh beneath it. 

“You...don't want me?” Dennis asked, “I could be yours, just for tonight. How does that sound?”

“No” mouthed Mac in response, too choked up to speak out the words out loud “no, not like this...” 

Dennis reached up again, intent on caressing the side of Mac's face, but his room-mate flinched away from his touch. Mac was still close enough to him for Dennis to see the colour starting to rise in his cheeks, either from embarrassment or arousal. 

Mac turned abruptly away from Dennis' extended hand and bolted to the door. On his own, in the silence that remained, Dennis smiled to himself as he felt that twinge of pleasure and pain. 

* * *

“He's obviously doing it to get a rise out of you” said Gavin, pouring a very generous amount of neat Scotch into his and Mac's empty glasses “don't you think?”

Beside him on the couch, Mac was hunched over, a potent mixture of alcohol and upset making him want to curl up as small as possible to protect his heart from any further blows. His boyfriend's question went unanswered. 

Gavin took a sip of whiskey and watched as Mac gazed off into the middle distance, one legging bouncing up at down in a surge of uncontrolled nervous energy. 

“Mac” he said, placing a hand on Mac's thigh, who jumped at the contact. “Mac, I can’t tell you what to do…”

Mac groaned and raked his fingers through his hair. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear - he needed to be told what to do, he needed to be given instructions. Perhaps part of him had wanted Gavin to yell at him when Mac had said Dennis had kissed him. It may have made making a decision easier.

“I can’t make decisions by myself, dude - you don’t get it…”

“Well, that’s bullshit and you know it” said Gavin, taking another sip of his drink and nudging Mac’s untouched glass closer to him “you decided to come out, you decided to message me on that app-”

“We matched, so-” Mac picked up his whiskey and set it down again, his stomach already sour enough without needing to add more hard liquor to the mix “pretty sure a robot made that decision for me…”

“You decided to tell me about Dennis kissing you…” hearing it spoken out loud again made both men freeze. “You could have not told me, kept it a secret...a lot of men would have done that…”

Another uneasy silence shrouded the pair. The entire conversation felt too uncomfortable, too unwieldy but it was impossible to ignore. Both of them knew their relationship would be different after this talk, for better or worse. 

“Mac” began Gavin, choosing his words with great care “you know how I feel about Dennis...and we both know you have some very deep, complicated feelings for him…” he took a breath and another pull of scotch to calm his nerves “will you look at me? Please?”

Twisting around the sofa to look directly at his boyfriend, Mac braced himself for the next sentence. Gavin reached out and held Mac’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze as he spoke “I don’t think either of us is ready for the ‘L’ word yet but...I really like you, Mac.  _ Really  _ like you...but I can’t share my life with someone who I think might never get over a man who he’s  _ never  _ even dated…

Mac stared at their clasped hands, frantically searching his boyfriend’s words for anything he could deny or defend. There were none.

“I...I really hate to do this but, you need to choose” Gavin coughed, trying to clear the lump that had settled in his throat. “It’s me or Dennis, Mac...and by that I mean, if you choose me...if you want to be with me, you set some boundaries with Dennis. You guys have been friends for years and I get that, okay? But he can’t treat you like this, he needs to let you have your own life and to let you bring whoever you want into it…”

Gavin waited, allowing Mac the time and space to consider that proposal. 

“If...if you don’t feel you can do that, if you don’t feel you set those ground rules with Dennis and move past this one-sided infatuation then…” he swallowed “I’m sorry Mac but we’re just not going to work…” 

Mac gave a short, jerky nod just to indicate he had listened, albeit it with growing dread, to every single word. Fully aware of the enormity of the issue he’d given Mac to consider, Gavin leant in close and gave a small smile to try and offer up some comfort. “Mac, I don’t expect you to make your decision immediately, okay? I would never want to rush you like that…” he used his free hand to brush Mac’s cheek with his fingers, the touch almost painfully soft in the middle of such a hard scenario “I’d never want to hurt you, you know that right?”

Not quite knowing how to respond, Mac gave a small, noncommittal shrug but then immediately regretted it. Gavin deserved more than that, he’d been nothing but reasonable about all of this. He looked up to give his boyfriend a wan smile; despite being so close to him, Mac was feeling very alone and like he’d been adrift since running out of the apartment. He felt exposed and needful. 

He chanced leaning towards Gavin, altogether unsure if his affections would be welcomed at this time. He kissed Gavin on the lips and let the rush of electricity that he felt as he lightly brushed against skin warm him from the inside. Gavin reciprocated but with more force than Mac had been expecting. Fueled by alcohol and a great sense of injustice Gavin kiss was hard and precise, making Mac moan. 

This wasn’t their usual seduction - there was no flirting tonight, no gentle caresses or clothing gently stripped away in front of an old favourite of a movie. This was fervent and animalistic, two humans clawing at each other’s flesh and clothes, needing to feel something physical to distract from the ache in their hearts and the chaos in their heads. 

Whatever they’d both been desperately wanting to say but didn’t, because it was too honest or hurtful or irrational, they poured into their sex - all that anger and emotion and hurt were turned into rough and rapid motions or selfish little gestures. 

Later that night, as Gavin slept Mac slipped out of bed and dressed as quickly and as silently as possible. He was just in the process of tying up his boots when he heard the rustle of covers. Gavin was propped up on one elbow with his back to Mac, head turned towards the noise that had woken him from a light, fitful sleep.

In the dark, Gavin’s eyes gleamed like polished stones as he stared across the bed. 

Mac opened his mouth to fill the harsh, dark silence that engulfed them both with an apology that would never be enough.

“Don’t” said Gavin. Despite the hushed tone of his voice, it felt deafening to Mac. The message it conveyed was clear - go. Go and don’t come back.

Biting back the urge to offer up his apology, pointless empty words of atonement, Mac turned to leave. 

“Mac?” 

He froze, wondering whether he could stand to hear whatever it was Gavin felt was so necessary to share as he walked away from their relationship.

“Take care of yourself...okay?”

Mac thought that was possibly the worst thing Gavin could have said to him.

* * *

Dennis was nearly finished closing up the bar when Mac walked in. 

“Hey” he said, noting Mac’s clenched jaw, his hands balled into tight fists as he stormed to the bar and helped himself to a formidable pouring of whiskey.

“I’d have thought you were staying with Gavin tonight” said Dennis, as he sat on a barstool and watched as Mac downed the drink in a single, desperate gulp before sloshing more into the glass.

Mac shuddered as the alcohol hit his stomach with the force of a punch. He could feel Dennis watching him, his expression neutral, almost concerned. 

“We’ve split up” said Mac, thickly.

“Oh no” said Dennis, with barely concealed insincerity “that’s too bad..” he paused and watched as Mac thumped the bar top with his fist, scrunching up his face as he desperately tried to hold it together. 

“Didn’t I warn you this would happen?” said Dennis, “didn’t I say it was only a matter of time before he wised up and dumped you?”

“I ended it” Mac shot back and even in this shitshow of a situation, he felt a small ripple satisfaction in seeing Dennis be surprised at that.

“You dumped Gavin?” said Dennis, considering this new and interesting development.

Mac pressed a trembling hand against his mouth, his stomach churning with alcohol and shame. He managed to nod and answer Dennis’ question before it was repeated as Mac was certain he couldn’t bear to hear it said aloud again. 

The next question, however, was far worse to hear: “was it because of me?”

“Of course it fucking was” yelled Mac, his voice echoing around the empty bar “you fucking kissed me, dude - you kissed me and it meant fucking  _ nothing  _ to you…” he struck the bar top again with his fist, needing the dull pain that it gave. The pain soothed some of his rage, it helped lower the aggressive volume and tone of his voice “...he said he couldn’t be with me if I was in love with you…”

“Well, that all seems perfectly reasonable...” said Dennis and Mac begrudgingly needed to admit that he was right. As hard as he’d tried to commit to Gavin, to keep his heart open and accepting to his new person it always cried out for Dennis. For Mac, Dennis was the unspoken third person in their relationship, the critical voice only he could hear, his presence tainting every affectionate exchange. 

Mac leant against the bar top, his knuckles ghostly white in the bar light as he clenched his fists, grappling to keep control of his temper and this conversation. Dennis walked over to him, his eyes roaming over every tensed muscle in Mac’s arms, back and shoulders.

“How did he take it?” he asked, pressing up against Mac’s elbow “getting dumped?”

Closing his eyes, Mac’s breath hitched as he recalled Gavin’s eyes. Even in the darkness, there was no denying the hurt and the anger held in that gaze. 

“Was he upset?” said Dennis, his voice dancing lightly across every one of Mac’s emotional buttons, deciding which one to press now “was he heartbroken?”

“Fuck you, Dennis” said Mac flatly.

“Did he give you his blessing? Did he wish you and I the best for the future?”

Mac’s eyes darted towards Dennis but he didn’t flinch. 

“I know things ended on a sour note for you two” said Dennis, as he lightly touched Mac’s shoulder “but that’s no reason to be rude now, is it?”

Silence.

Dennis placed his hands on Mac’s shoulders, squeezing slightly as he did so. He turned Mac to face him, wanting no part of what he was about to say next to be missed. As hard as he tried, Mac couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere other than directly at Dennis - he was like a black hole, sucking up all possible attention and interest, turning it into something ugly and wrong.

“I bet...you must actually feel quite relieved it’s all over with Gavin, don’t you?” Dennis asked, his thumbs pressing into Mac’s shoulder in a way that straddled comfort and punishment.

“Because” said Dennis, relinquishing his grip to brush Mac’s cheek “that means...you’re free to be with me...isn’t that right?”

Mac said nothing. He stood, every part of his body stiff and unresponsive. All he could do was watch and listen. 

“With Gavin out of the picture, I can have you all to myself” Dennis flattened his palm against Mac’s cheek, his fingers curving around the jawline and cheekbones. “We can finally be together…”

He moved his fingers down and held Mac’s chin between his thumb and index finger, keeping that plaintive gaze right where he wanted it. Dennis bit his lip and watched Mac’s chest heave beneath the fabric of his t-shirt. 

“Isn’t that all that you’ve ever wanted?” he asked. 

“Yes” said Mac, his voice low and earnest.

Dennis smiled and leant forwards, lips pursued. He held Mac in place, watching with delight as the other man closed his eyes in anticipation. Only when he was impossibly close, near enough to feel the warmth of Mac’s skin, did Dennis pause. 

“No” he said, before angling Mac’s face away in one swift, gut-wrenching motion “not yet.”

He waited long enough to see the colour drain from Mac’s face, for his expression to flicker through a myriad of emotions, each more powerful and upsetting than the last: bewilderment, hurt, anger, disgust, pain, denial. 

Dennis turned and walked calmly into the back office as Mac’s wordless howl of anguish found its voice. The painful cry reverberated off the walls as he lashed out at the world, throwing bottles and barstools to appease the red hot rage that had taken over his body. 

Leaning against the closed door of the office, Dennis smiled as deep inside him, that dark wound oozed. 


End file.
